Day 3

 Today is the first posting day of this blog that wasn't so great. Matt had to work an arson case last night, so I told him I would wake up with the boys and take care of things with the pets in the morning so he could sleep in. When I woke up this morning I felt rested and amused. Amused because our yellow lab, who normally wakes up at 5:30 a.m. to use the bathroom and feel the need to goof off, was barking in the living room at 8:30 a.m. Only one or two big barks then he walked back into N.'s room to lay back down. Which almost never happens! Maybe because Noah wasn't awake yet ? Or maybe Grover was actually tired because he didn't get out of that bed until after Noah came out.
Otherwise I woke up feeling surprised I felt so well rested. I feel asleep around midnight, woke up at 2:30 a.m. since Matt was just crawling into bed, and again at 3:30a.m. to go to the bathroom, and I didn't fall back asleep until close to 4a.m. Normally on weekends, Matt lets me sleep in until 9a.m. or so. I got H. out of his crib and let N. watch some early morning cartoons in Nick Jr. I drank my coffee, but felt more irritated once I woke up. Probably because N. obsesses over things, like his spy watch getting charged, before I had a chance to wake up. That kid is the broken record though, I swear. Actually I realize that after I drank coffee I felt OK, but pretty apathetic. I knew we had some plans to go to the town festival, but I just felt I couldn't muster up any enthusiasm. It definitely was on my Have to Do for today, only because we promised the kids that we would go. After lunch, and H.'s nap, we walked over to the carnival, and honestly, I felt really anxious and overwhelmed with so many people and everything so loud. While I can be a people person, some settings just make me want to run home and crawl into bed where it's so quiet I can hear my heart beat.  We got tickets so the boys could  go one some rides and play some games. Then we went to see the fire station, which H. just LOVED!  He went in everyone and looked after all the nozzles and hoses, the seats, sat in the steering wheel and pretended to drive. It was fun to watch him go to town, talking about the "Wee-woos". When it was time to leave, it was bad. H. kicked and screamed, and smashed his head into Matt's eye, giving him a bit of a shiner. We managed to get out of there without to much damage to H.'s or Matt's heads though.
We walked up to the Kwik Trip to get something to drink, and to see the town falls, then we went back where we bought a few root beer floats to share.  N. was excited to sit down I think, and he loved his float, then we decided that we should eat something. I really have this weird thing about fair funnel cakes, so I asked if we could get that. Everyone agreed, and we set off back toward the carnival.  We got the funnel cake and let the boys play more games, then decided to head toward the city park and see what they had there. H. started to throw a tantrum about sitting in the wagon so I offered him a little bit of funnel cake. He wasn't to into it, and Matt opened his mouth to try to get H. to open up. I took it was Matt wanted to piece I was offering, so I popped it into his mouth. He chewed it with a disgusted look toward me, and when I said it looked like he didn't want it, he said "No, I was only trying to get H. to open his mouth." I said sorry and sort of laughed at the face he made, but I think that only mad him more mad. he seemed actually upset with my for something pretty stupid. N. started to through a fit about riding in the wagon, and since H. didn't want to ride, Matt told him he could get in and he would carry H. My feelings were hurt from Matt being so snappy with me about the stupid funnel cake, I put the cake down in the wagon with N. and started to walk. Matt apologized soon afterward but I told him that I actually just wanted to go home since he was being crabby, which made the kids crabby, and I was the only one trying to make something good out of the situation. I really feel that kids will be kids, and H. is only two. To ask him to sit nicely in a wagon while all these neat and colorful and loud things are going on would be almost mean. N. was cranky without much reason, but it was somewhat humid, and I remember being a five year old and wanting to do stuff that my parents wouldn't let me. Anyway, I still felt hurt and angry about being snapped at, and I was a little miffed that I was the one pulling the 50+ lbs child while being 16+ weeks pregnant for a mile, mostly uphill. Once we got to the park and let the boys loose, Matt apologized again, and I felt better, since I was sitting down. He chased H. around the playground, and N. found a few kids from his class to play with. After we were there about a half hour, we decided to leave. Thankfully there were some Craft's to distract H. while we were walking out of the park, otherwise another fit. He started to have one, but then I have him his sippy and set him in the wagon, which is exactly what he needed after burning off energy at the park. We were all tired, and my hips were killing me, but H. was eating the left over funnel cake, N. was chattering away happily about seeing his friends and the fun time he had at the festival so we made it home with out incident.  We got home, and while discussing a friend of our going into labor early, I mentioned about how I remember when I went into preterm with H. at 32 weeks, I remember him saying he just wanted me to have him, despite the risks. He more than corrected me on what he actually said, and what he ment. I apologized right away, I hadn't ment anything bad by it. It was the way  I remember it, and I know that it wasn't the most accurate. Even after the apology, Matt still was going off, until I dropped eye contact and became abruptly silent. I didn't mean to make him angry, but I felt really sad, and I thought I was going to cry. We ate a late supper, then had a snack while we watched Cars 2, then put the boys to bed. Now it feels like I want to cry again, and I know I'm tired and need to go to sleep.
It's the end of the day, I feel just sad. Matt snapping at me, and being cranky in general about the whole day, just put me off. I'm glad that the boys had fun today, but honestly, I just give lots of props to Matt for having to deal with my behavior on a daily basis. Granted, I am pregnant, and a little more emotional than normal, but I know he deals with my crankiness much more often than I have to deal with his. I wish I could have taken a nap today instead anything else and having my feelings hurt.

Have to Do Take boys to town festival, tidy up living room before leaving to said festival

Want to Do Nothing really. I don't feel like I want or wanted to do anything for myself today. Just nap, which isn't allowed.

Only good thing that seemed to happen since last night's posting and this one, is that I can feel baby move. It is one of the best, most reassuring feelings ever.